Guardian Angels

I like to think that we are watched over and guided by the spirits of loved ones or guardian angels. I also like to believe that things happen for a reason, call it destiny if you will. I also feel that there is no harm to think like this especially if it brings peace or happiness.

My belief is borne out of situations that I have experienced. The main one is around losing my father who died of cancer many years ago after a very short illness that took the family by surprise.

I couldn’t accept that my father was ill, nor, as the doctors had said that he had up to four months to live. He had just retired early and had made many plans with mom for his retirement. Looking back now I wish I had done things differently but at the time it was my way of coping with the news. I basically tried to block it out and pretend that it wasn’t happening.

Dad had wanted us to visit my sister in Australia the previous year. As I had only just got married, I didn’t have the funds available and suggested we went the following year. He died before this could come to fruition. First regret.

I acted as though everything was going to be okay and now realise that I didn’t put enough effort in spending more time with him, because if I ignored it then it would go away wouldn’t it? Second regret.

I even missed being with him when he died. I remember the night well. He was in bed at home, with my mom, my sister and her daughter and myself all round the bed, just chatting normally and having a nice time of it. I decided it was time for me to head home and I remember Dad saying something along the lines of ‘Oh she’s got to go now’. Perhaps he knew. I kissed him goodnight, said bye to everyone and went home. Within a hour or so of getting home, I received the phone call that he had died. Third regret.

I’ve always wanted to know that Dad was okay with how I was. It wasn’t because I didn’t care, I loved him to bits but didn’t know how to handle the situation. Nothing ever prepares you for losing a parent at any age. But two things happened over the following years that make me feel as though he has been watching over me.

Shortly after Dad died, along with my mom, sister and niece we all went to stay at my mother and father in law’s house. It was nearing Christmas, so mom, my sister, niece and I decided to go and do some Christmas shopping. As usual for the time of year, the Salvation Army band were out playing Christmas Carols.

My own favourite carol is Little Donkey, which was not one of their numbers. However, this year as we approached them in the street they struck up with none other than Little Donkey. We were glued to the pavement. When they finished we found out that this had been the first year that this particular carol had been part of their repertoire! I can’t describe how this made me feel.

The second incident was connected with my husband and I moving house. We had started house hunting before Dad died and he had come along to one or two with us. When we eventually found the house for us, I have to admit I was quite sad that Dad hadn’t seen our new house. Imagine our surprise that when we moved in we found out that the son of the people who owned the house was the golf professional at the club where Dad had been a member and he knew my Dad!

If that wasn’t divine intervention then I don’t know what was.

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The Real World

I sat with my husband last night to discuss the design of the website.  In brief we have to defer it for about 2 - 3 weeks.  Yes, I am really disappointed, but in true business sense, we need to concentrate fully on the areas of our business that can bring money in.

We have a product launch for some software that must happen the beginning of October.  It needs 2 weeks of my husbands full time attention and maybe that means 12 hour working days.  It has to be done. 

While my website is important to me in terms of building my own confidence, it is not about to make me money - yet!

Therefore I need to change tack mentally.  From tomorrow morning I need to be wife and mother extraordinaire (not going to happen!), I need to keep my husband shut away in the office for as long as is reasonable (but I do so love talking to him) and I need to re-arrange some of our regular patterns of working ie housework (that’s okay I’m really hit and miss with that anyway!).

My evenings need to be spent helping with this launch.  To be honest it will be a good exercise as I should learn some good hints and tips for the launch of the website.  I will also start putting together more articles, so that when we have the time it should all go together beautifully.

Can I be any more positive?  Okay it’s not in the direction I would like it to be in, but isn’t it better to have some money coming in than having a pretty website?

I will also finish clearing my desk and the utility.  If you read a previous log you will note that I only needed another hour or so to complete the task.  Well, best laid plans and all that. 

I think I now need ‘a few hours’.  While looking for some vouchers my son had for his Birthday a few months ago, I found on my desk amongst all the paperwork, 2 bottles of hand wash, some deodorant (that I had been looking for and had to go and buy more because I couldn’t find it!) and a rubber squeaky chicken.  I rest my case!

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