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There are times when I’ve changed a diaper, handed the baby to somebody, then walked onstage.

Lee Ann Womack

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Curtain Rods

Another great email.

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.

Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. 

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home . . .

. . . including the curtain rods.

DON’T YOU JUST LOVE A HAPPY ENDING ????

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Putting the World to Rights

What do nipple piercings, skiing, gay policemen and affairs have in common?

Not at lot you may think. Well these and many more topics were covered during a get together with a group of friends recently.  We haven’t seen each other for some time and spent a wonderful evening together truly putting the world to rights.

And how fabulous to know that we could talk about anything and everything without anyone taking offence. 

Isn’t that what good friends are for?

We really did cover some diverse topics and I won’t be able to cover everything in the blog but here are some edited highlights . . . . . .

Okay so what would you do if after over 20 years of being in a relationship with someone, they told you they no longer wanted to be with you any more, what would your reaction be?

For many, apart from thinking about some kind of revenge, it would probably be a makeover of some kind.  Perhaps buy new clothes, have a new haircut, just transform yourself in general.

But would you have your nipple pierced? 

We were intrigued by a story we had heard about someone who did just that.  While we could understand the rebellious side of someone’s nature urging them to do something outrageous, in practical terms what would it be like?

None of us would have entertained the idea, but we were more than a little fascinated about how you cope with clothes etc - wouldn’t it catch, wouldn’t it show through your clothes and lets face it, unlike a pair of earrings you can’t exactly show someone your latest piece of body jewellery. 

And that’s without thinking of how much it must hurt to get it done!

We imagined the conversation in the office on the Monday morning following having it done. "Morning, did you have a good weekend?"  "Yes thanks"  "Did you do anything nice?"  "Yes, I had this done" whilst lifting your top up.

Cue the coffee being sprayed from people’s mouths.

This also led on to another conversation about affairs.  Again, we were amazed by how many people around us were either separating, divorcing or having affairs.  We’re talking seemingly normal relationships where people have just grown apart.

What turns people from having loving relationships into wanting to move away from each other?  Is it that we expect too much from our partners?  Are we living in such a stressful society that we want everything to be sorted immediately, therefore our tolerance level is lowered.

Do we only care about ourselves and not those around us? 

Is it that we have this idealistic view on how things should be because of what we see in films or on tv that we are sadly disappointed in real life?

After reading a lot of books by Alan Pease who is an expert on body language and relationships maybe it boils down to the fact that we don’t understand each other properly.

More on this later . . . .

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