I have asked my husband to help me put a smile back on my face. I am normally a positive thinking, happy person but this last few weeks I have struggled with even this simple task.
Quite simple I have lost my ‘va va voom’ and have to force myself to be happy. I had every reason to be happy this week as it was my Birthday. I had some lovely presents bought me by the children, had a day girlie shopping with my mom for clothes (my annual treat) and with the promise of my husband taking me to do the same.
Even a Birthday meal with my two best mates couldn’t lift my spirits. I just wanted to be at home.
What is the matter with me?
I don’t think I’m having a mid life crisis but I do feel as though I am in a solitary place. I have a sense of not belonging. I know what I want to be doing, but struggle to put it in to practice. I know what needs to be done, but can’t quite muster up the enthusiasm to get it sorted.
And yet I am full of good ideas that even my husband is enthusing about. And in the brief moments that I become enthusiastic I know I could work miracles.
Am I going through an early menopause? Two doctors don’t think I am, they both thought I was suffering with stress/anxiety but having recently experienced the ‘monthly cycle’ four times in two months I wonder. I will go back again now this has happened as it needs sorting. Maybe this is is causing my hormonal influx and making me into an emotional yo-yo.
I feel invisible sometimes even though I don’t want to be in the spotlight. Does that make sense?
And yet this week I was asked at work about my future plans, with a view to me staying on even longer as their temp. I don’t like letting people down and I really don’t want to work past the end of May, but it was nice to know that I was obviously doing the job well enough to be considered to stay on.
I did feel a little sad at having to say that I didn’t want to stay especially as my boss gave me an Easter egg when I left Wednesday night. That was a really lovely gesture.
I also know that by saying no I have just put the pressure on myself to get really stuck into my projects, to make them work and to know that when I leave in May I will have started bringing income in without temping.
I don’t even know why I am putting this on the blog. Maybe it’s because sometimes when I read things back I can look at it and think to myself ‘get a grip’, there are people out there who really are having problems.
In comparison I just need to ‘pull my socks up, tighten my bra strap and start working those miracles’.
April 6th, 2007 at 7:19 am
Huge hugs, Sue - as I know how this feels. I think you might have to give yourself “permission” to feel these sorts of things without obsessing it. Sometimes we just need/want to be “down” and it’s okay. You’ve also been doing a hell of a lot lately and maybe your body simply needs a break and this is its way of getting it. If your instincts are saying: be at home, then trust them.
Try and do at least one thing per day that you really want to do (rather than have to do) - could be just sitting in the garden, watching TV or reading a book. Doesn’t have to be complex.
Also Vitamin B complexes can be useful and can be bought over the counter if you feel you need more energy or are lacking something. And Holland & Barrett staff are good with suggesting things too. In this respect, sometimes feeling down or stressed can bring on a mini menstrual crisis. You could however ask for the “menopause test” at the doctors - they have quite accurate ways of pinpointing exactly where you are hormonally. And at least it might cancel something out.
All that said, it has struck me recently that a lot of my friends are feeling like this (and me included) - even people I would normally say are emotionally upbeat by nature - it may be something to do with the time of year and the change into Spring.
Huge hugs again, and I hope you have a relaxing weekend, together with lots of hugs from Husband.
A
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April 6th, 2007 at 7:59 am
Thanks Anne for your very thoughtful words and advice.
It’s funny too because I absolutely adore Spring, it’s my favourite time of the year.
So maybe I need to get out in to the garden and be at one with nature and forget the tip that has become our home!
Thanks also for the vitamin B hint, I’ll check that out.
Hugs gratefully accepted, you are lovely.
Sue xx
ps Perhaps I’m trying to be too much like that other 70’s icon, Lindsay Wagner aka The Bionic Woman!