NAGGING - WHEN SOMEONE JUST WON’T LET UP
Nag: Verb to annoy, badger, bend someone’s ear, berate, breathe down someone’s neck, worry, harass, hassle, henpeck, pester, plaque, provoke, scold, torment;
Noun a person, especially a woman, who nags
Allan and Barbara Pease discuss the common relationship problem of nagging and its impact on men and women.
We have traveled the world giving conferences and the number one question asked by all men in all countries is, "Why do all the women in my life NAG ME?" Men and women perceive nagging in different ways.
Firstly, women deny they nag. They genuinely believe they are just reminding their male in their lives to do the things that must be done. They see it as a somewhat nurturing activity, "It keeps them alive!"
The man’s reaction to it is very different. He feels harassed. "From the moment I get home until the moment I go to bed, she starts her nagging and never lets up. It has got to the point where the only communication involved between us is when she tells me all the things I didn’t do during the course of the day, week, month or since we got married!"
Nagging is one of the primary causes of marital problems today. Women are often the main offender when it comes to this, and men suffer the consequences of not being understood. Men and woman are biologically different.
Their brains function in very different ways. So when a woman nags, according to her brain, this is the most efficient manner to get a message across, repeat, repeat, repeat. Some women have made nagging an art form. We have identified 5 basic types, and most women will recognise themselves in these following descriptions:
1. The Single Subject Nag:
"Kurt, how about taking out the rubbish?"
A pause…
"Kurt, you said you’d take out the rubbish"
Another 5 minutes later…
"What about that rubbish, Kurt? It’s still sitting there."
2. The Multi-Nag:
"The grass in front of the house looks a mess Nigel, the doorknob is falling off the bedroom door, and the back window is still stuck. When are you going to tune the TV aerial and… etc, etc?"
3. The Beneficial Nag:
"Have you taken your pills today, Ray? And stop eating that pizza - it’s bad for your cholesterol and weight…"
4. The Third Party Nag:
"Well, Moira says Shane has already got their BBQ cleaned out and they’re having people over tomorrow. Summer will be finished at the rate you’re going."
5. The Advance Nag:
"Well, I hope you’re going to watch your drinking tonight, Dale. We don’t want a repeat of last year’s fiasco."
Men however do not respond to nagging, retreating behind their defensive barriers that drive the nagger crazy. Women need answers as to why nagging doesn’t work and how to achieve action from their man without making him feel angry with her. There has to be a better way.
Part 2 to follow . . . . .
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