In primitive times, a man’s role was that of hunter. Tribal man would kill his prey and then return home to his family and the warmth of the cave at the end of the day. The woman would be waiting to welcome him home and admire his hunting prowess and his ability to provide for his family.
She would ensure that the fire was ready for the man to do some fire-gazing when he returned. Times have changed, but a woman can make life easier if she tries to understand that a man still needs his fire-gazing time.
There is nothing worse for a man than being bombarded by demands the moment he walks through the door, but women often see this as the ideal time to begin making requests. It’s like they feel that, if they can catch a man before he gets a chance to sit down, there is more chance their demands will be met.
However as a woman, there is nothing more frustrating than having to ask a man time after time to do even the simplest of things. When a woman is asking for something to be done and her husband or partner is apparently ignoring her, feelings of resentment build.
In a man’s working environment, he can communicate, problem-solve and produce positive outcomes. If a colleague makes a request, the man miraculously seems to have the ability to meet the request immediately.
His female partner knows this, so she becomes enormously frustrated when he does not respond in the same way at home. Beyond feeling frustrated, though, a woman can begin to feel hurt and devalued. She starts to interpret the man’s actions as showing that he respects his colleagues, but not her.
Unfortunately, women usually respond to their feelings of hurt and frustration by becoming more persistent in their attempts to get their message across. As a result, the man rebels and, the more he rebels, the more hurt and frustrated the woman feels - so the more she nags.
Women know that they nag, but that doesn’t mean they enjoy it. After all, who enjoys feeling that their husband or partner just won’t pay attention to them? Usually women are only doing it as a means to an end.
Nagging can also be a sign that a woman wants more: more recognition from her husband and/or family for what she has given so far and more opportunities to move on to something better. Nagging is all about the balance of power between two people. A woman is far more likely to nag when she feels taken for granted.
Many little girls are still brought up believing that they should be nice and sweet and put their own needs and feelings last. They grow up into women who believe that it’s their role to keep the peace, to smooth over problems, to be liked and loved. Many women find it extremely difficult just to come out and say, "I’m not happy living this way."
A vicious cycle develops, until eventually they both reach a point where they no longer see each other as partners, lovers or best friends. The more the nagger nags, the more the victim retreats behind the kind of defensive barriers that drive the nagger crazy.
These barriers include newspapers, computers, a gloomy face, amnesia, apparent deafness and TV remote controls. Women also often make the mistake of expecting men intuitively to pick up on what they’re thinking, without actually saying it. Instead, they use indirect speech.
When women learn to say directly what they mean, men will respond more readily. Women need to understand that male brain function is comparatively simple and men can rarely guess what their wives and partners really mean beyond the actual words they’ve uttered.
Part 3 to follow . . . . . .
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