Sunday, June 3rd, 2007
Well, my sister arrived from overseas this week for a two month holiday with the family. Despite her having lived away for a number of years it’s quite satisfying to know that we can just pick up where we left off.
The children are delighted she is here, as she is the slightly zany one of the family (in a nice way). She is also very crafty (in the making things type of way) and spent this morning making animal masks for them. Very impressive. So now I have swapped my children for dogs and wild animals!
We decided to take the children for a ride on their bikes today and found ourselves walking along a canal path which we haven’t done for many, many years.
It was lovely. A number of narrow boats passed us with the people on board happily waving at us and shouting hello. We passed ducks, geese, horses (they were in a field), someone in a canoe, runners and cyclists.
It was very sociable and I have to say wonderful to be away from the hussle and bustle of everywhere else.
I am feeling extremely relaxed tonight, maybe because of the lovely fresh air I had today or maybe because I don’t have to go to work tomorrow.
Hurray!!
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Sunday, June 3rd, 2007
Both sexes need to realise these differences. It will make communication much simpler and removes the need for much of the nagging that takes place. No one likes being on the receiving end of subdued rage, ambiguous messages, self-pity and blame or having guilt continually thrust at them.
Everyone avoids the nagger, leaving her alone and feeling resentful. When she starts feeling even more trapped, unrecognised and isolated, the victim may suffer even more. The only real outcome from nagging is the destruction of the relationship between the nagger and the victim because the victim feels that he has to defend himself continually.
Instead of expressing hostility towards your husband in an indirect way, try communicating what you really feel, by using direct speech.
Choose a time when he has had at least 30 minutes to do some fire-gazing. Avoid jumping down your husband’s throat, as this will only make him defensive. Choose your language carefully. Using "you" language provokes defensiveness and puts you in a position of judge and jury - a position that your husband will resent.
Instead, use the "I" technique, which involves describing your husband’s behaviour, your interpretation of it, your feelings, and the consequences that the behaviour has on you. Focus on beginning your statements with the word "I". Instead of saying, "you never help around the house" say "I feel unhappy because I feel like I’m the only one who cares about the state of the house."
This technique is powerful because it reduces defensiveness, increases honesty and clarifies everyone’s feelings.
State your feelings and needs and then allow your husband to respond, ensuring that you listen to his input. While you are working on improving communication with your husband, spend quality time alone and reflect on your own situation.
What are you doing to improve your own self-image? Do you reward yourself for achieving your own goals on a day-to-day basis? Nagging can be a way of life for many people, the means by which they always end up communicating, which makes them angry, resentful and miserable towards the one person in their lives who really should be an everyday source of great joy, warmth and support.
It doesn’t have to be that way. Implementing the simple strategies given here can build a much happier, loving future for you both.
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