Marriage Guidance

Having been married for ’double figure’ years now you’d think I’d be able to pass on some pearls of wisdom.  No!  Simply because what works for one couple doesn’t always work for another. 

However I was intrigued by an article in a recent magazine by Liz Jones who was lamenting on the invitations she had received for three weddings and the rules and regulations attached to them.  The underlying comment that stuck out for me was that the more expensive the wedding, the less chance it has to survive. 

Plus a very good comment that "did people invite others to see them marrying for their love or the show of the wedding?"  (Unfortunately I couldn’t find the full article at the time of writing this but if I do I’ll let you know which magazine and highlight the parts I was referring to.)

It’s a big generalisation but in part I tend to agree with it.  I remember years ago attending a friends wedding and nothing was out of place.  If you knew this friend you would also know that appearances in these circumstances meant everything.

A little while later I commented to her how perfect the wedding was.  She purred "it was, wasn’t it".  Fast forward a few years, the marriage ended.  I could never see her growing old with the man she married but I would never have wished her to split up and go through the heartache of divorce especially with children involved.  And I was on the receiving end of the heartache.

But it is strange.  When I married my husband we had our doubters although I’ve never found out the reason why.  I think people just thought we weren’t suited.  We got married within 18 months of meeting each other and that was with my husband having asked me to marry him three weeks after we we’d met.

We didn’t tell people until four months later as we knew the reaction we’d get.  Even then because we decided to tell our parents at a family meal straight after our first holiday together, at that stage we hadn’t even bought an engagement ring. 

This actually led some people at work to not believe me.  Without that token on my finger how could I be engaged?

Because getting married was our first thought, the engagement ring, to us, came when we had the money to buy it after my husband’s next pay had gone in. By todays standards mine was not expensive, being less than £400. 

This doesn’t mean we were cheapskates.  The ring stood out to both of us at the same time and that’s why we bought it.  And the magic of us both liking the ring at the same time meant it was far more special than how much it cost.  In comparison to my friend above who had paid £3000 for her ring and seemed to think that this was the norm and dare I say even cheap.

Our wedding was in a Church, but our reception was held at my parents house.  And it rained!  Not good when you are basing your reception on being in the garden.

However, as one of our guests said "at least people will remember it". 

Maybe it worked for us because we were older when we met (I was in my late twenties and hubbie in his early thirties).   Of course this can also come with disadvantages because you can be a little more set in your ways.

But over the years as we hear of acquaintances who have divorced, had affairs, separated, it always begs the question - what does it take to make a marriage work?

Our own formula?  A very good sense of humour (to laugh things off), apathy (our idea is that if you don’t have the high expectations of each other you’ll be less disappointed!) with a good measure of tolerance (sometimes you just have to walk away and say nothing).  Plus a big dollop of love of course.

Oh yes and make sure you get the biggest slice of cake!

What’s your secret to a happy relationship?

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