Children

Sent to me by a friend by email.

GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students… here is something to make you chuckle.

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.

And the first thing he said was "DON’T !"

"Don’t what ? "  Adam replied.

"Don’t eat the forbidden fruit." God said.

"Forbidden fruit ?
We have forbidden fruit ?
Hey Eve..we have  forbidden fruit! "

" No Way ! "

"Yes way ! "

"Do NOT eat the fruit ! "
said God.

"Why ? "

"Because I am your Father and I said so ! " God replied, wondering why He hadn’t stopped creation after making the elephants.

A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked !

"Didn’t I tell you not to eat the fruit ? " God asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you ? " said the Father.

"I don’t know," said Eve.

"She started it ! " Adam said.

"Did  not ! "

"Did too ! "

"DID NOT ! "

Having had it with the two of them, God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve  should have children of their own.

Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY !

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven’t taken it, don’t be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you ?!

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT !

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word  what you shouldn’t have said.

5. The main purpose of holding children’s parties is to remind yourself that there are children  more awful than your own.

6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.

AND FINALLY:

IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!

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She Who Must Be Obeyed

She has been here today.  She who thinks life owes her.  She who demands everyone does as She says IMMEDIATELY or snaps without thinking.

She who took my children out for a bicycle ride today, much to my worry that She would end up shouting at them, but surprisingly felt much calmer for being out of the house.

She who, on days like today, blames everyone else for her irritability and tiredness.

She who only ever pops around once each month and struggles to be civil.

I call her the Bitch Queen.  Everyone else calls me mom!

Posted in General | 19 Comments »