Social Sinner - Beware!

I have committed a very big social sin.  I know I’ve done it and although I’m feeling a bit guilty about it (which is a normal response to this situation) I am sticking with it.

I have not reciprocated.  There said it.

What is she on you may be asking?  It’s the social reciprocity thing.  I’ll put some details under the articles section later when I get my hands on the book, to explain in better detail.

However, for now, it’s that thing where you do something because someone has done something for you.  Be it buy you a present, taken you out for a meal, paid for something.

It’s that thing where if someone has done that for you, you feel duty bound to do it back somehow or you are an outcast.

My social sin this weekend has been to NOT buy someone a present because they did it for me.  Here’s what happened.

Every year I have a friend who buys me a wedding anniversary card and present.  So duty bound every year I do the same for her.

This year I thought no.  I bought a card but not a present.  Skinflint you may say, mean you may think.  But let me explain.

I asked myself a question.  Do I buy a present because I want to or because I think I should?  The answer, if you haven’t already guessed is the second one.

I don’t buy presents for people wanting them to do it back to me.  I buy presents for people because I want to -  pure and simple.  For example, flowers for a friend who may be unhappy, a little present to remind a friend that she is loved. 

It’s something I’ve always done in work and in my personal life.  Hopefully my friends would testify to that. And I have friends who do things out of the blue for me too.  But never to get something back for it.  See You’ve Got A Friend in Me

I suddenly felt as though I was on this treadmill and I wanted to get off.  I did have a couple of standby presents in the house and I almost gave way until I had a telephone conversation with her.

The anniversary was yesterday and today our children were going to the same Birthday party.  As all my children had been invited, I offered to take her child with us too. 

Her response was yes, her son would like to come with us, and that she was going to go up to the party at some point as she had to see someone who had just come back off holiday and wanted to see her about an anniversary present.

This was the subtle reminder.  Maybe I should have said something.  I  have obviously rattled her cage and I didn’t mean for that to happen.  But at the same time I don’t like the idea that the present she bought us earlier in the year was as a tool to get one back.  Well at least that’s how it feels.

So, yes I do feel guilty about it.  But this year my heart just wasn’t in it.  And maybe I should have just done it and then said shall we forget it from now on.

What do you think?

Posted in General | 4 Comments »