Archive for the 'Finding Mr Right' Category
Saturday, November 17th, 2007
Things were getting cosy with the emails and although the carer with the complicated life was not a prospect a new one had arrived.
As always the emails started off cautiously until one of us cracked a joke and broke the ice. This is great when it happens as it becomes less formal and polite straightaway. Not that it gets down and dirty but you can be more yourself and feel more relaxed.
This guy was ex army and was looking to try again and said he was very shy. He was now working for a mining company since leaving the army and was looking for love.
Now I am not looking for love but our emails were getting friendlier and funnier and we were able to communicate like we were becoming best friends. I was getting hooked on checking for emails and was image building in my head of what he looked like.
Unfortunately this particular guy had never posted a photo on his profile and I did not know what he looked like. He said he had some old ones and he would forward them to me via email but it didn’t happen and I didn’t push it. I did not want to come across as being superficial when we were getting along so well with the written word.
We deicided to bite the bullet and set a time and date to meet in a watering hole in the town and then we swapped phone numbers so we could text if there was a problem on the day.
Thank god I had his number because there was a problem and yes it was me!
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Wednesday, November 7th, 2007
The email address was a success and the lines of communication are well and truly open.
The list of names that I am now communicating with has changed slightly and I now definately have my favourites but I am still reluctant to go the next step and go on a date.
I have the man with a complicated life who seems to have a good soul but is desperately in love with the woman of his dreams who has put him on hold while she investigated the possibility of dating her cousin whilst at the same time as declaring she is possibly pregnant with this good soul being the father.
Sounds complicated - it is and a situation that should be entirely avoided. I will state for the record that I do not see him as a potential mate but I am fascinated by his life and the fact is that we have become ‘friends’ through our communication. He uses me as a sounding board as I do him.
However this relationship for want of a better word is not getting me any closer to finding Mr Right.
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Thursday, September 27th, 2007
I have finally plucked up the courage to hand out an email address, it’s the only way of pursuing some of these male leads and having a chance to keep a record.
Plus I have had to step a little deeper into the dating world and give out a bit more information than I have so far. I have also decided after receiving lots of mail that a few of these men seem quite nice and I have enjoyed chatting with them albeit informally.
I did not want to use my everyday email address so I registered another for the sole purpose of on line dating. This I though was a wise move and is proving to be a god send.
So I have my lines of communication open and now I have to decide who I want to talk to in more depth.
I have whittled it down to half a dozen. I obviously cant share their names because that wouldn’t be fair but there’s a salesman, mechanic, businessman, carer, marine man and football fan.
There have been a few others that were being communicated with but it became abundantly clear that they were seriously into cyber sex and at this point in time it ain’t my cuppa tea. My sexual preferences are just that - mine - and not for discussion.
Nor are the size of my breasts other than to say the photo shows ample thank you very much.
Needless to say although interesting and eye opening as to what some people do want to know, I found it all too much too soon and blocked them from communicating with me.
They can masturbate with their keyboard over someone else !
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Sunday, September 16th, 2007
The getting to know you process has been quite complicated for me as I have had to rely on my memory which I have to admit is not that fantastic.
If I stick to the email type messages I have a record but the instant messages are not saved and therefore no records! Problem is that there have been many conversations online with many different people and I soon lost track of what I said and to whom.
I had so many responses that I was failing to keep up and was starting to make a mess of it. I should have kept a record from the start but failed to do so. My note taking was appalling and I had emails jotted down all over the place but failed to put corresponding nicknames against them. Nicknames were different to email addresses and different again to their real names. I was in trouble!
To further compound my difficulties I then inadvertently deleted a whole load of messages with valuable information on that were going to salvage the situation.
There was no way out except to send emails on a blind date and very embarrassingly reintroduce myself as the stupid one who lost track and could they give me a quick brief on who’s who!
I rather expected to have spoiled the ‘getting to know you’ process for a few people and was not expecting to hear back from anyone - which was a shame as a few had sounded nice.
Only time will tell.
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Tuesday, September 11th, 2007
I have come to the conclusion there are quite a few genuine men on site that are in truth very lonely and would like to find new friends even if they cannot find a new lover.
Some of these men , I have to admit, I would never talk to in a million years because they do not instantly appeal to my visual senses. But having already been rejected myself and found it is not a very pleasant feeling (even if they are super tossers from another world and I wouldn’t piss on them to douse a fire! - oops sorry woman scorned and all that) I decided that I would respond to everyone that approached me even if only to ever soooo gently flick them away .
I have had what I term ‘finger chats’ (typing not speaking), with at least a dozen men already, of whom only three have appealed to me visually. The others have appealed by their profile and the way they have approached me with the written word.
One chap was so pleased I actually responded he thanked me and then went into a full explanation for the thanks. He further discussed that he felt the site was more about looks and although he acknowledged that this was acceptable to a degree, he was totally blown away by how both sexes were so shallow.
I have to say his photo was unfortunate and in his next paragraph gave me his phone number and "wanted to meet for coffee and see where we go from there………"
Poor sod smacked of desperation and I have very kindly cooled his heels for the time being. This is probably why those visually judgemental people choose to ignore you to ensure that they do not have to deal with these soul destroying moments.
Interestingly eighty percent of men have given out phone numbers and or email addresses within the second or third message. He was in the 80% .
I have refrained from that because as yet I have not found one to be email worthy at this stage and plus I feel secure in my cyberdating world enclosure!
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Sunday, September 9th, 2007
I have been overwhelmed by the responses to my profile posting.
The quick fix I wanted I got! As I stared at the computer screen I was like a child on Christmas Day and did not know what to look at first. There were smiles, instant messages and messages.
The smiles are an immediate way of making contact without having to say anything but simply expressing an interest in a profile.
The instant messages are a way of communicating whilst the writer is online and you can have mini chats whilst online together.
And the message where you send it like an email but within the confines of the site with the added bonus of not having to hand out your personal email.
I opened the first message with trepidation - it went like this " Hi honey your’re so pretty would love to hear from you xxxxxxxx".
Well if this was how things were going to continue I was gonna need a very big bucket, because of the rising sensation of nausea, I FELT SICK!
I can handle being told I’m pretty, who wouldn’t, but the honey and kisses made my skin crawl. I think you need to be embedded in a relationship of sorts to receive those kinds of words and familiarity - call me old fashioned if you like but I can’t entertain it.
I was now scared to see what came next, this was not the attention I wanted!
I politely returned his message thanking him for his message and that honey and kisses was a little too over the top for me at this early stage of the game.
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Thursday, September 6th, 2007
I finally pressed the register free button. I had not done any research into available sites but rather lurched into one site that had been flashing at me at various times whilst on the computer.
I had been looking at different photos and reading the odd profile on the site and my needy and despearte side urged me to find out how many of these men would actually be interested in me. It didn’t matter what they looked like I just wanted some reassurance that someone might be interested. I needed a quick fix!
I had given thought to the driving force that may have put these men online and realised that some of them would be opportunistic, some down and out sleaze bags and some predatory. But still at the back of my mind there could and would be some that were the genuine article .
My expectations were realisitic but I had no idea of what I was letting myself in for.
I duly completed my profile, which was the easy part, but choosing a photo to accompany it was another.
I finally settled for one that I thought showed me as a happy, bright, intelligent woman and clicked submit.
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Tuesday, September 4th, 2007
History is there for us to learn from our mistakes, so have I learnt from mine!
That is the million dollar question and the answer with hope anew is YES YES YES!
I did love all my mistakes at their various stages but alas love was never sustained and all ended for different reasons.
The marriage of 7 years left me unhappy, unloved and a feeling the grass was greener on the other side.
The first live in relationship of 3 years was dominated by a jealous and controlling lover.
The second live in left me feeling the most traumatised. After six years of emotional and to a lesser extent physical abuse, he finally left me at my all time weakest after declaring his affair with a 24 year old, the year I turned forty!
The last but not least was by the far the nicest and most loving relationship I have encountered. Unfortunately, that slowly disintegrated because we were quite clearly not on the same page, I no longer wanted to be the provider or his surrogate mother.
Quite an array of interesting relationships, not forgetting the in betweenies, with a bevy of lessons having been learnt.
I know what I want and more importantly I am aware of what I will not put up with and I am not going to accept anything less.
YOU GO GIRL!
So I did and subscribed to an online dating service!
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Sunday, September 2nd, 2007
The eternal optimist in me believes that every woman will find her true love. He may not arrive when you are expecting it but Prince Charming will arrive and you can live happily ever after.
After trying every familiar way I know to find my true love I now have one marriage and three live in relationships chalked up on the board. I hate to admit it but history also shows a few attempts in between that never even made it over the threshold.
All my relationships needed to happen and there are few regrets because at the very least they have helped shape the woman I am today.
I now find myself in a fulfilling job, I own my home, I have family that love me and I have a fabulous group of friends that have been by my side through each and every relationship and amazingly are still along for the ride!
It has now been 24 years since I started my journey of looking for love and although a little jaded, I am still wondering if Mr Right is out there.
It’s time that frog morphed into Prince Charming!
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